Swim

There's this song called "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin that I love. It's basically about how when things are tough and you don't think you can go on, you just have to keep on going and believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a song that I think would have helped me a lot in 2006 when my mom was sick. But even now, when my problems are much more trivial and I'm just having a hard time figuring out who I am and what I want out of life, it's applicable.

There are both tough questions and less life-altering questions that I have been asking myself these past few months. To sum it all up though; I'm trying to define myself in this post-college, real-life, "adult" world that I have somehow found myself in.

What do I want to do? I want to travel and see the world. I want to help people and make a difference in someone's life. I want to kiss under the Eiffel tower and get stuck at the top of the London Eye. I want to stay up all night and watch the sunrise. I want to experience life before life gets away from me and I'm looking back on it wishing I had done all the things I want to do. I want to be in the drivers seat in the car that is my life, but lately I feel like an unwilling passenger on a runaway train.

To be completely honest, this post is going nowhere. But these are the thoughts that have been consuming me. My life (other than a few aspects) still feels like a blank canvas and I don't know what I want to paint on it. What I am meant to paint on it. Hell, I don't even know if I am supposed to use paint. What if I was meant to use colored pencils? All I know is that when I'm old and gray, I want to have a beautiful, colorful, completely full canvas to share with my grandchildren and have zero regrets.

Here's to picking up the brush and choosing the first color. Every story has a beginning. This is mine.

Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
--Jack's Mannequin